The Questions We Learn to Ask

When families step into the world of long-term care, it can feel overwhelming. Decisions come quickly, and the language of the system — filled with policies, paperwork, and procedures — can make it seem like the path is already decided for you.

But what I’ve learned is that questions have power. Not just asking them, but asking them in ways that invite conversation instead of shutting it down. When families know what to ask, and how to ask it, doors begin to open.

I saw this up close during my time serving on the board of an assisted living community. Everyone at the table was deeply committed, but even with good intentions, systemic barriers got in the way. It was a lesson I carry with me: it’s not just the presence of questions that matters, but the ability to translate between the system’s language and the lived experience of families.

That’s why my work today focuses on three simple, guiding practices:

• Translation — turning the system’s terms into something families can actually use.

• Negotiation — showing that care decisions are rarely “take it or leave it.” There’s space to shape outcomes.

• Foresight — helping families think ahead, so they’re not caught off guard when needs change.

The truth is, families have more influence than they often realize. A well-placed question can mean the difference between feeling powerless and moving forward with confidence.

For me, the heart of this work is simple: families deserve to reach clarity — not regret. Long-term care will always come with hard choices, but when questions are met with openness, and when voices are truly heard, peace is possible.