“It felt like navigating the school system.”

A woman said this to me today after finding a nursing home for her mother—and she’s absolutely right. Both systems are complex, emotional, and filled with unspoken rules. In both, you’re trying to figure out what’s best for someone you love, while learning a whole new language of services, staff roles, and red tape. Here are a few lessons that apply to both schools and senior care:

1. Start with what matters to them. Just like you wouldn’t send your child to a school just because it’s “highly rated,” don’t choose a nursing home based solely on a tour or brochure. Think about who they are. What lights them up? What kind of structure, social life, or support do they need?

2. Ask insiders. Teachers talk. Nurses talk. Ask the receptionist how long they’ve been there. Ask a CNA if they’d trust the care team with their own family. Ask other families what they wish they’d known before choosing.

3. Visit at unexpected times. It’s one thing to see a classroom or a nursing home on tour day. It’s another to drop by during a rainy Tuesday lunch. You’ll learn a lot by seeing how things run when no one’s putting on a show.

4. The right fit might not be the most obvious one. Sometimes a smaller school—or a nursing home that isn’t brand-new—can offer more warmth, attention, and individualized support. Don’t be afraid to look beyond the flashiest option.

5. It’s okay to course-correct. Whether it’s switching schools or realizing that the assisted living you picked isn’t the best long-term fit, you’re allowed to pivot. Trust your gut, and trust the process.

I want to say this, too: The woman I spoke with had done a phenomenal job. Her mom is safe, comfortable, and respected. That’s the goal. Not perfection—peace.

If you’re in the middle of figuring it out, you’re not alone.

Let’s MAP out your next step together.